PASS THE WORDChristian Outreach Ministry
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."
The TestImony of Abram Osequera - An inmate from Abilene, TX
I grew up in a dysfunctional home that dwelt in the ashes of continual defeats. We didn't know God, so love was scarce and abuse was rampant. Although we all lived under the same roof, our hearts were miles apart. My mother barely showed affection. I only felt the warmth of her touch when I grabbed her as I begged her to stop beating me.There was a man who lured me into his lust, promising me toys. He said it was okay - I was too young to know the difference. But when the knowledge of what I was doing came to me, I was covered in shame. I never told anyone.
I never met my father - never even saw a picture of him. That was hard for me. I longed to be loved and held by the father I didn't know.
There was only one haven in my life of hell - the love of my Grandpa. He was my father figure and best friend. He loved me, was good to me, and believed in me. He told me about God's love and about Jesus. I wanted to be like him; but it wasn't to be. He died suddenly of cancer. One moment he was here, loving me, and then he was gone. My world came to an end and I hated everything and everyone - even God.
I hit the streets trying to fill the void in my heart. I did so by hurting anyone and anything that represented love. I started drinking, doing drugs, committing crimes, even stealing from my family. By my early teens I was in juvenile hall. That led to Texas Youth Camp and so on. I continued to spiral downward as I searched for the meaning of life in all the wrong places; finally earning my way into the Cameron County Jail.
In jail I met a group of fellows whose lives mirrored my own. However, unlike me, they seemed to have found an identity and a goal for their lives - gang affiliation. They painted a beautiful picture of loyalty, love and purpose, and my desperate heart shouted, "YES!" Then they sent me out to prove my worthiness. My job was to punish people on their hit list. I found myself hating and hurting people I didn't know. But I didn't care - I wanted to be known and respected by my peers, and was ready to pay any price. I became violent to everyone who was not one of us - even to the security officers. As a result I was shackled full time, given sandwiches as my food, and escorted everywhere in chains, even to the shower. The only thing that mattered was gang approval. Gang pride gave my heart the crumbs of recognition it desired - but it was destroying me.
While in jail, a pastor named Drew Vail came to help me. I wanted nothing to do with God and tried to make his life miserable. He responded by showing me God's love. He told me God had a greater plan for my life. But I said, "NO!"
My violent life earned me a ten-year sentence. When I got out I sold cocaine. I made good money and felt like I was on top of the world - until I started using. It was just a little at first - but slowly, progressively, I got hooked. It bred a deep paranoia - I thought everyone was out to get me, even my friends. My house was full of drugs, guns, and money, but they weren't bringing me the peace I sought; they were driving it away.
My drug business caused me to see myself as both monster and maggot, businessman and bandit, hero and villain. I could put on my bravado to deceive the world, but I couldn't deceive myself. I was in pain from having caused so much pain - a dealer without a drug for my misery. I wanted peace and healing but felt abandoned and worthless.
My out of control life put me in jail again. I tried to escape, but they brought me back and doubled my sentence - and shackles. In solitary, officer Sanchez talked to me. To him I was a person, not an inmate. He told me about Jesus. But I wasn't listening.
When they came to take me to court I decided to resist. They flooded my tiny cell to subdue me, but it only increased my rage. I got ready for the fight of my life. They opened the door and started in, but Officer Guzman was in their midst. He had always shown me love and treated me as a person. I knew I couldn't fight with this good man, so I let him take me to court. On the way back I asked him, "Why do things always turn out bad for me?" He told me about God and how Jesus had changed his life. I told him it might be best if I committed suicide. He said it might be best if I gave Christ a chance.
In my cell that night I remembered my grandpa's testimony. Grandpa saw himself as the prodigal son. The father took the prodigal son back - even when he had done awful things. I remember seeing Grandpa's tears flow when he talked about God taking him back. He had found great joy in Christ.
Those thoughts came back to me over and over. And finally I stood up and shouted, "Look Jesus, I don't know anything about you, but if you can do something good with my life, then take it, because I can't" At that point I was confronted with my sinful condition, and realized I needed saving - I needed someone to save me from myself. So I got on my knees and asked God to forgive me and to save me - and the heavy burden of my life was lifted away; and I slept in peace In the morning I realized that God had given Himself to me when Jesus was on the cross; and I knew I had given myself to Him.
Since then I've been following my Savior. Love and faithfulness have taken over my life. And I've been sharing His love with others in jail and in prison. And my joy has been greater than anything i have ever known - in or out of prison - on or off drugs. The truth that has set me free isn't some 'thing' - it's some 'one' - Jesus.
As I look back, I see that sin took me further than I intended to go, kept me longer than I intended to stay, cost me more than I wanted to pay. I didn't have to prove my loyalty to anyone; God had proven His loyalty to me 2000 years ago on the cross. And my present situation isn't finality; instead, I'm looking at the wonderful journey ahead.
Thank you, Grandma Felipa Torres, for your continual prayers.
This testimony goes out to all people, especially those that hurt. My name is Steven Martinez. I was born in Odessa, TX. I lived there until I was 6 years old - then moved to Clovis, NM. I grew up in a very confusing, violent family. I don't remember experiencing parental love during my childhood. My sister, brother, and I would be at home most days. My mother worked full time at a local bar, and dad would join her there each day. So alcohol was a part of our lives every day.
My older sister and brother got into trouble a lot and I looked up to them. We would do something bad then run so we wouldn't get caught. They would sneak out so I would sneak out, and it became a habit for me. I liked the thrill of it. So my friends and I started our own mischief group.
In 1995 we moved to Amarillo, TX where my trouble years really started. At first it was simple stuff, like shoplifting, stealing from other people, and even from the teachers at the school. I got placed in a behavior school in the 5th grade. In the 6th grade I was placed on probation for threatening to do a drive-by. I liked to put fear into people's lives.
I started to get out of control and my mother didn't know how to deal with me. There were times she would come down on my physically and verbally to the point of abuse. Then she might hold me and hug me saying she was sorry and she loved me. This left me confused, bitter, angry, and depressed; and I was empty inside.
I started to look for acceptance and love elsewhere. That's when I started running around with the wrong crowd - my gang. I have to give them credit for their honesty. They told me I'd end up in prison or dead. They were right. As I look back, I had to be really messed up to choose prison or death in order to be accepted by others. We would smoke and drink in the alley before school would start.
One day a fellow gang member of mine offered me spray paint to get high. I wanted to try some just to be cool. When I got home my dad was outside. I think he knew I was getting high. When I saw the concern in his eyes, I knew he cared for me - even though it was hard for him to express it.
I eventually went on to high school where my gang/criminal life became serious. I went through a phase where all I wanted to do was hurt people, and steal. If another kid would talk about his happy family, I would resent him. I would skip school or run away. One time my girlfriend ran away with me. When I saw how worried my mother was when I ran away the first time I decided to run away again and again - it's how I got her attention - even if it was just worry over me. All my anger was coming out. I didn't want her to be happy.
I threatened by girlfriend's cousins in an argument and told them I would kill them. That got me probation. But it didn't stop me from telling two rivals of mine that if they messed with me I would shoot them. Probation got the police report and hauled me to the detention center. I tried to escape but got caught and figured I was heading to a boys home; instead I got 9 months in TYC.
When I got out I went right back on the street. I got introduced to crystal meth and loved the way it took my pain away. Unfortunately, the pain, loneliness, and anger always came back. I started into drugs big time and paid for it with burglaries and robberies - I was living an awful life. It was just a matter of time before I would end up dead. I got 2 felony convictions in 2001 and went to prison for 3 years. I got out in 2004 but came right back, and now I'm serving a 20 year sentence.
I had lost my life, freedom, family, daughter and wife. They all finally gave up on me. This hurts me and I hated life and blamed God. I just wanted to die. I tried to do anything I could to get other inmates in here mad enough to kill me. But it didn't work out. So I stayed high on psyche pills to escape my misery. I even tried overdosing on them, but they rushed me to the medical clinic, pumped my stomach, and pulled me through. I didn't want to live, but God had other plans for me.
I was placed in Ad-seg where I met a Christian fellow named "Lifer". Lifer told me about his former life and how stubborn he was to accept God. He would just act Christian to use other Christians. But other Christians responded to him with love. Their love caused him to realize there was a God, and he wanted the same love they had, and that same joy. I told Lifer that I would curse God and blame him for my awful life. I cursed Christians, stole from them and their churches. I told him that God didn't like me and didn't help people like me.
But Lifer showed me John 3:16 where it says, "For God so loved the world..." and as he read the words I could hear God saying to me, "For God so loved Steven that He gave His only Son so that Steven would not perish but have eternal life. For God didn't send His Son to judge Steven, but to save him."
Then I met another inmate, Brother Dan. He told me he was in the process of committing suicide when he heard God's voice say, "Don't do it."
Late one night I was thinking about my life of drugs, anger, and violence and I had an epiphany. It became crystal clear to me that Jesus was a much better way of life. I realized that everything these Christians told me was true - that God's love through Jesus was real. I became a believer, and God replaced my anger, bitterness, and hatred with love, joy, and peace. I use to get high on drugs and felt awful inside. Now I get high on God and feel joy and peace.
I've forgiven my mother and told her how sorry I was and that I loved her. Now she is my #1 supporter along with my dad.
Every day I experience God's love and blessing. He has worked so much in my life, and blessed me in so many ways. I have come to discover it's never too late for God to change us. He is waiting for us to call upon Him, to save us and give us Hie love. As Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." When we come to Christ, He will set us free. And we will live eternally with Jesus in heaven.
It's never too late to change. Gangs, drugs, and violence kills and destroys. But our Lord Jesus Christ comes to save, help, and heal. I know how rough it is to feel abandoned, lost, and unloved, but now I know it's not true. We are all someone special in God's eyes. For He created us, He loves us, and He wants us to live for Him. Life can be hart, I know. I've been through it all. But if we allow Him, He will change it all.
If you want to talk more about my story, to know more about God, or haw to come to God, I'm here for you. God loves you and so do I. I'm praying for you. God Bless! You can reach me at:
Robertson Unit
12071 FM 3522
Abilene, TX 79601
From Roger Wanzo in Bridgewater, MA
I wish to thank you for your diligent efforts to finding me a pen-pal. I have just recently written to Mr. Deering and express my gratitude in him accepting me as a pen-pal. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your time and consideration.I thank God for your kindness because for a long time I thought that I would never have anyone that could write to that just wanted to help me become a better Christian through correspondence and shared studies in the Bible. It's a great feeling and one that I will always remember you provided me with.
Hopefully when I go to court in March I will be considered for release because twenty years in these prisons are very hard on the happiness in ones heart and the only reason that i have survived is because I'm a believer in Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior and He has kept me in his arms the whole entire time and I have become a better person because of Him.
I only wanted to thank you for what you've done for me and to say God Bless you and the members of Pass The Word Christian Outreach Ministry.
TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!
By Ramon Cortez
An Inmate in Bridgewater, MA
1 Thessalonians 5:2 - "For you yourselves know full well the day of the Lord will come just like a thief in the night.
May Almighty God bring us to a greater understanding of His return, and that we may be ready for that great day. Amen.
Jesus said in Matthew 24:12, "And because lawlessness is increased, most peoples love will grow cold." We are living in times of tremendous change, and the world we live in today is rejecting absolute truth. God is revealing to humanity the reality of His presence, and through many climatic events from earthquakes to volcanic explosions humanity realizes that something is not right. But God has spoken of these things long ago, and even when humanity refused to believe God, He revealed himself to be true. Mankind cannot continue to expect God to continue to show His grace forever for the day is coming that He will say as He did in Noah's time, "Genesis 6:13 - The end of all flesh has come before Me; for the earth is filled with violence because of them; and behold I am about to destroy them with the earth."
Look at our world today and see the violence that humanity is placing upon itself, because they refuse to believe their need for a Savior. Just as the great flood destroyed the earth, so will the earth be destroyed by fire. 2 Peter 3:5,6 - "through which the world at that time was destroyed being flooded with water. But the present heavens and earth by His word are being reserved for fire, kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men." God is not a man that He should lie, and humanity is ignoring the warning signs. I have come to the realization that our time in this world is very short for the Lord lets us know in our spirit that time is not on our side. Can we continue to take the grace for granted and not have consequences for our action in the long run? Vance Havner say's "We are looking for something to happen, we are looking for Someone to come! And when these things begin to come to pass, we are not to drop our heads in discouragement, shake our heads in despair, but rather lift up our heads in delight." The reality of the last days is being revealed in this world, and the world is putting a deaf ear to the warnings. My friends in the faith, I believe in my heart that God has called me to make changes that will bring glory to His name. I can't continue to enjoy the pleasures of a world that one day will not exist. I pray from the core of my being that we make a commitment to surrender to Christ EVERYTHING. I will leave you with this one verse. Ephesians 5:16 - "Making the most of your time, because the days are evil."
